Rock Bottom
by NapEnthusiast
Summary: After Civil War Tony is just a shell of the guy he used to be and lives at the compound alone with Vision and Rhodes. One night he realises he has to leave and moves into a house no one but Pepper knows the address of. That's why Tony is even more surprised when, one day, Steve Rogers aka Captain America shows up on his doorstep. [Ship: Stony (Steve Rogers & Tony Stark)!


A/N:  
Dear reader, I just wanted to let you know that these characters (obviously, duh) do not belong to me. I also borrowed a little something from the Captain America: Civil War script which is written in italics so you know that it's not my creation! This fanfiction is set after Civil War so if you haven't seen it you shouldn't read this fanfiction.

And now I hope you are in the mood for a little Stony because this obvioulsy is a story about our superheros!

Nap Enthusiast

* * *

Tony had had one of his nightmares. He had awoken, sweating and screaming and on the verge of a panic attack that had hit him full force shortly after. He didn't know for how long he was sitting on his bed, his head between his knees, trying to calm down. He reached for his night stand and pulled out a letter. The letter had been read often, judging by the state of the paper. It had been crumpled-up and straightened out. It had been re-read so often Tony knew everything it said, word by word, but this did not stop him from reading it again and again.

 _"Tony,_

 _I'm glad you're back at the compound, I don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn't. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do, it's all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there._

 _Steve"_

Somehow, reading Steve's words had a soothing effect on Tony, although it never actually made him feel better. At least it all seemed more real to Tony that way. Why the Avengers had broken apart in the first place. Why he was still mad at Steve. Why he had forgiven him, deep in his heart, already.

He took the mobile phone into his hands. How often had he sat in his bed, contemplating to call Steve and try to make it all okay again? Vision and Rhodes had encouraged him to do it several times but Tony had always backed out last minute. There was no point. Steve meant when Tony needed them – him – to fight, not when he needed him as a friend. Tony was sure he couldn't fix whatever he had lost. He hadn't even known what he had until he had lost it.

He hated his life. He hated how he couldn't control his actions or his emotions. He was a shell of the genius he used to be and he couldn't even hide it very well. Vision and Rhodes had given up on telling him what to do because Tony had never listened. He didn't deserve anybody's help and he knew that.

This night, after a particularly awful panic attack that lead to Tony re-reading the letter several times before breaking down sobbing, Tony decided something. He couldn't stay at the compound any longer, he couldn't feel the void every second of every day that Steve and the other's had left when they didn't come back. To Tony, this wasn't a home any more. This was just another reminder that Tony had failed and that it was all his fault. He was the richest man on earth, he thought drily. He could go wherever he wanted. And that's what he did.

Two weeks after that fateful night, Tony was in his new home. It was small and… plain. Everything you didn't expect from billionaire Tony Stark, head of Stark Industries. And that was why it was perfect. He had one bedroom and an open kitchen with an adjoined living room. His lab was in the basement and every week he took the suits he had produced to the compound where they were stored safely away. Tony knew something bigger was coming their way and he knew they weren't prepared. He knew that even if the Avengers would get together again to fight another enemy, they wouldn't fight as efficiently as they normally did. They hadn't trained together in weeks and there was too much left unsaid for them to go back to normal. Tony wasn't a fool and he didn't lie to himself. Not in this matter, anyway.

Rhodes and Vision had argued with him, of course, when Tony had told them he would move out.

"You can't just leave, Tony! You need to deal with this."

"No, I don't. Don't you get it? I have tried and failed and I need to get out of here."

And that had been the end of their argument. Tony didn't want to listen to whatever Vision and Rhodes had to say and so he had left. He felt more comfortable in his new home. Not that it changed anything about how he slept or how much he ate or how much he hated himself. No, it didn't really change anything. But at least he was alone. Nobody was smothering him. He was lonely, yes, but he had also been lonely at the compound. He felt a pang in his heart. He thought about all the times Steve had turned into a mother-hen, had taken care of everyone who was injured and the ones who weren't.

And then, he allowed himself to fall back into one of the happiest memories he had.

He had been drunk. It was New Year's Eve and they were all spending it together at Stark Tower. Tony couldn't remember the last time he had been this happy. They were talking and laughing and enjoyed their night.

Shortly before midnight they all went to the balcony. Tony hadn't told anyone but he had installed fireworks to go off and was excited to see the reaction of everyone.

With champagne in their hands, still chatting, they waited for the old year to end and the new year to start.

And then it was 12pm. The fireworks were so loud Thor had his hammer in hand because he thought they were being under attack (of course he didn't know what fireworks were so who could blame him). While Bruce explained it to him the other's just enjoyed watching the colourful rockets explode in the sky. Tony stared at Steve's face that was looking up in awe. It made him smile because Steve looked like he was happy. Then Steve turned his head and they locked eyes. Their eye-contact had never been this intimate but neither of them minded. They kept looking at each other like this until the other's gasped loudly. Simultaneously, they looked up at the sky and saw an "A" forming.

"Did you set this up?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, I did. Happy New Year!" Tony answered and raised his glass.

Around 2am everyone had left except Tony and Steve. Tony had kept drinking and couldn't stand upright any more so Steve had put an arm around his shoulders to support him.

"You should go to bed, you will be so hungover tomorrow." Steve laughed and guided Tony to his bedroom. When Tony was safely in bed Steve turned to leave the room but Tony grabbed his arm. Steve didn't know what Tony wanted but soon found himself falling on top of the genius as Tony pulled him in for a soft kiss. It only lasted a split second and Tony fell asleep right after. Confused but content, Steve left the room and went to his own bed.

Steve was confident that Tony had forgotten the incident altogether because he had been extremely drunk and nothing in their dynamic had changed. Tony hadn't forgotten it, though. He was just pretending because he wanted to savour that particular moment, that night. His drunkenness had been a perfect excuse and he had seen the opportunity. Steve was too much of a gentleman to confront him about it and so Tony pretended like it had never happened. But it did and Tony would never forget.

Of course most of the memories with Steve in them were now tainted by their painful fight but this one wasn't. Tony had kept it safe from all the negative feelings he had for Steve.

His train of thought was interrupted by a knock on the door. He put his glass of whisky down and made his way over to the door. No one knew the address of his new home except Pepper. And even though Tony wasn't in the mood for company he was also lonely. So instead of just ignoring the second knock and go to the lab, he opened the door and gasped as he saw who stood before him. It wasn't Pepper. It was Steve.

"Tony."

Steve looked nervous and Tony could not blame him. He himself was starting to sweat, his heart was beating faster. This was it. Tony and Steve were staring into each other's eyes and did not know what to say. Tony was overwhelmed by the emotions that washed over him. He felt like curling into a ball in the corner of the room and forget about everything. He felt like dying would be more comfortable than facing Steve. His heart was aching.

"Rogers." he said matter-of-factly, trying to keep his composure and stepping aside to let the other man in. He knew he looked awful. He hadn't showered in days and had not slept for just as long. Steve on the other hand looked as well-groomed as ever. His shirt showcased his strong muscles and his hair was done perfectly, although he kept going through it with his hand. Tony couldn't help but smile. It was more of a twitch in the corners of his mouth, but these days that was the broadest smile you could expect from him. Tony knew Steve was nervous too. Ruffling up his hair was a strong indicator. And even though this realisation did not help Tony to feel any better or any more at ease it was nice to know he wasn't alone with what he was feeling. It had been a long time since he felt that way.

"Why are you here?" Tony asked, staring at Steve's ear, afraid to look into the man's eyes again.

"Pepper called me. She was worried about you, Tony. She said no one knew where you were and you hadn't talked to anyone for weeks."

Tony felt like he had been punched in the gut. Of course. Steve wasn't here because he wanted to see him. He was here because he felt a sense of duty, of obligation to check on Tony, now that he didn't have anyone around to do that any more.

"You have seen me, I am okay, so you can leave now." Tony said although he didn't want Steve to leave. It didn't matter how many unspoken words stood between them, Tony still considered Steve to be one of his closest friends. Tony didn't have anyone else and he had lost Steve already. Now that he was with him again, Tony couldn't bare the thought of losing him again.

Steve looked at him and furrowed his brows.

"You obviously are not fine, Tony. Look at yourself. It's obvious you haven't slept in days and you have lost so much weight I can see your ribs through that shirt. You have been alone for who knows how long and you have even stopped working for Stark Industries which you have never done before. I am not leaving, Tony."

"Why do you care? Back when I was still at the compound you didn't care. When I was fighting against Barnes, you didn't care. You didn't care that I found out my family was murdered by your friend. You didn't care about any of it."

Tony kept himself from saying that it was all his own fault and that Tony knew it had been to good to last. Right now, he was angry, and he needed Steve to know how much he had hurt him.

"Of course I cared, Tony! But Bucky is my best friend. I couldn't just watch while you were killing him."  
"I thought I was your friend, too."  
"You are."  
"No, Steve. You were. We haven't been friends ever since that day."  
"I tried."  
"What do you mean you tried? You send me a letter and a phone in case I needed you for a mission. It was merely because being an Avenger is your job. You didn't try for me, you tried for the sake of this planet. And that's fine. That's okay. But don't say you tried reaching out to me as a friend when you didn't."

Tony could tell Steve was angry now.

"Okay, oh great Tony Stark, then why am I here now?"  
"Because Pepper made you feel guilty."  
"Do you really think that is the only reason?"  
"Why else would you be here?"

Steve took two long strides towards Tony so they were standing rather close. Too close, Tony thought as his heart thumped against his rib cage, but he didn't want to take a step back and seem weak or intimidated in the process.

"Because I care, you fucking idiot! Do you really think I could just sit around not knowing anything about how you were doing? I instructed Vision do give me reports on how you were doing. I started to get worried when you had moved out of the compound but Pepper's call gave me the rest. I haven't seen you in months and I needed to see you myself. I am worried about you, Tony, and I- I miss you."

Tony was dumb-struck. Did Steve care for him? Did he really miss him? Probably not. Tony was sure Steve was just saying this to make him feel better. The problem was – it did make him feel better.

"Us living together doesn't feel right without you. Nothing without you feels right. I don't want to fight any more. I don't want us to hate each other."  
"I don't hate you, Rogers."

"Well, that's good news." Steve smirked and Tony gave a small smile back.

"For the record, I don't hate you either."

They stood in silence for a few minutes.

"Look, Tony. We won't be able to fix this" - he gestured first to him and then to Tony, indicating their relationship - "after one talk. There is much we both need to figure out. Can we do that? Together?"

Tony was so touched by Steve's effort, he surprised himself by nodding at looking him in the eyes.

"You can come whenever you want, tell the others I said hi." Tony said turning around and Steve knew that their moment was over and Tony was shutting down again.

"No, Tony, I will stay here. Your couch seems comfortable enough and I think it's best when I stay and look after you a little."  
"I don't need you smothering me, I have been just fine on my own."  
"That's a lie, Tony, and you know it. I will stay here. I will be back in hour with some of my stuff." and with that he turned and walked out the door.

One hour later, Tony was in his lab and had just come to terms with the thought of him going mad – after all Steve couldn't really have been here, wanting to stay so the only other possibility was that Tony had imagined the whole encounter – when someone knocked on the door. Tony jumped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to let you know I am back and, ehm, dinner is ready."  
"Dinner?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

"You need to eat something and I was starving myself so I cooked something. Will we eat together upstairs?" Steve asked hopeful and Tony couldn't help but agree. He left his lab, washed his hands and joined Steve at the small table in the living room. After three months of living here, Tony realised, he had never used this table before.

"This is good." he said to say something because when they had started eating, an uncomfortable silence had started to creep up on them.

"Thank you. It's nothing, really."

"Have you always been a good cook?"

"Before I got into the army, I cooked a lot because it always calmed me down."

They stopped talking for a while, enjoying the food and – surprisingly – each other's company. After they finished they did the dishes together – Tony had a dishwasher of course but he didn't tell Steve – he liked the homey feeling it gave him washing the dishes with Steve – they stood around, not knowing what to say to each other.

"So, tell me, how are the other's?" Tony asked and plopped down on the couch. Steve joined him.

"They are doing okay. We haven't done much since… the fight. Clint is spending a lot of time with his family, I think that is really good for him. He is happy seeing his wife and kids more often. Natasha is always off working for some guy or another but she never tells us where she's going and I have stopped asking. Her and Bruce have developed a strong friendship and I think there might be more but I don't know anything about that."

Tony nodded.

"It wouldn't surprise me if those two finally got together. It is taking forever already."  
They both laughed a little and some of the tension left the air.

"You know, I still have my list with things to catch up on. Maybe you can help me with that. Wanna have a look at it?"

They spend the next hour or so listening to songs by The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd. Tony explained the significance of their music to Steve and he took everything in, including all the historical facts Tony gave about the Cold War following the Second World War. They carefully avoided the subjects of fights, and contracts, and SHIELD, and anything that had to do with their superhero-identities. That night, they were just two guys – not yet friends again – hanging out together. That night, when they finally went to bed, they both slept better than they had all the months they had spend apart.

But the worst was yet to come. Living closely together after they had spent months apart thinking they hated each other wasn't as easy at it had seemed that first night. Tony didn't give up working for several days straight and Steve went out a lot to work out or visit the other's. They got in regular arguments involving stuff concerning the house and while they didn't get into any big fights, it didn't feel like they were making progress. So one evening, Steve went down to Tony's lab and interrupted him while he was testing one of the new suits he was designing.

"Tony, we both need to do better."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean that I have come here to repair our friendship but we are just living next to each other. We need to talk about things."  
"You always want to talk. Doesn't talking annoy you by now?"  
"It's the only possibility to fix this."  
Tony rolled his eyes but dropped the screwdriver in his hand.

"Fine, let's talk then."  
Steve felt uncomfortable because now he had to say something and he didn't know what.

"Do you wanna talk about your parents?"

"No."  
"Tony, you have to."  
"No, Rogers, I don't."  
"How do you think we are going to fix this if you don't open up to me?"  
"I don't know but why would I trust you? You protected the man who killed my parents!"  
"He didn't know what he was doing, he was already brain-wash-"

Tony interrupted him, screaming now.

"I don't care! I don't care if he was brain-washed! He took my family from me and then he showed up again and took my other family away from me! Do you even know how hard it was for me to recover after my parent's deaths? I felt so lost and useless. Then I got kidnapped and developed the Iron Man suit and that was my turning point. I fell in love with Pepper and I got the chance with the best people I know. We were a team and lived together like a family. But your precious Bucky Barnes did not only take my parents away from me but you guys, too. You chose him instead of me."

"Tony, I know you are hurt. I understand that. But you have to understand me too! I was frozen for 70 years, I outlived all of my other friends and my family, I had to watch my girlfriend die an old woman and when I found out Bucky was still alive… I was happy. Because he was my best friend and we were inseparable. Because I knew he could understand my struggle of keeping up with this crazy world. That he was trying to kill me didn't matter to me because to me he was still the old Bucky Barnes. My best friend. I wanted to help him so badly because I had lost everything and now I had found out that I hadn't lost him. I know now that choosing sides was wrong of me. I shouldn't have, and I am truly sorry. But I lost my family too, Tony."

Tony didn't answer. Instead, he turned around and left the lab without another word.

To Steve's surprise – all night he had imagined all the worst-case-scenarios of facing Tony again in the morning – Tony got up before him and made breakfast. His quiet shuffling around kitchen woke Steve up and after he had been to the bathroom the table was set. There were fresh buns as well as eggs and bacon and Steve was surprised he froze in the door frame.

"If you tell me you aren't hungry you are a liar. I could your stomach growling while you were sleeping." Tony said and sat down. Steve was still stunned and didn't know what to answer so he sat down at the table and they started eating in silence.

"I am sorry I left without saying anything yesterday but I needed time to think and I didn't want to say anything I might regret later."  
"I understand." Steve said sympathetically and they continued eating their meal in silence. They both knew another talk was coming and they were both mentally preparing themselves for it. They washed the dishes together – Steve now knew that Tony had a dishwasher too but he liked the chore for the same reason Tony did – and then they stood around the kitchen helplessly.  
"Look, Steve, I am sorry I have been so selfish all this time. I have only thought of myself and how I lost everything. I needed someone to blame and I guess, I blamed you. I am sorry for that. I know we have made jokes on your expense and I didn't realise you were still this hurt about what has happened to you. I know you are not from this century but if you don't mind my saying, you are doing damn well. This world is crazy and we are lucky that you are in it."  
Steve was so touched by Tony's words he didn't know how to react other than pull him into an embrace that both of them needed badly. And like this they stood in the kitchen, for minutes, hours, days, years, they didn't know. They found comfort in each other's arms and that was all that mattered.

"There is one last thing we need to talk about and then we can start getting things back to normal." Steve said and Tony knew what he meant.

"How about we sit down for that."

They went over to the couch and once they were sitting – now far apart from each other – Steve started talking.

"I know we already talked about Bucky but I still want to tell you, even though I already did that in my letter, I know now it was wrong of me to keep the real cause of your parent's death from you. It was to protect myself and not to protect you and that was selfish. I was trying to keep this image of my old best friend Bucky in my head that would have never done any harm to anyone without a reason. I see now that it was wrong of me. I know this won't bring your parents back and I know it does not make any difference but Bucky has been put back into ice. He didn't want to endanger anyone else after our… falling out and we won't get him out until something to counter his brain-wash is found."

Tony surprised Steve with the question he asked.

"I know Barnes means a lot to you. He was your only connection to your old life. How do you feel about his decision?"

"It was the right decision, I know that now. Of course it hurts and I can't say I don't miss him. But I have realised that he isn't the only one I have. Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Thor and all the others have my back and are my friends. And one day, I hope, we will be friends again, too."

"Steve, I told you yesterday already. I never considered you a friend."  
Steve felt like he had been punched in the face. He had known there was a possibility for Tony not forgiving him but he had not thought it would happen. It hit him with full force then and there. He needed Tony in his life and he couldn't leave him again. But before Steve could voice all that he felt Tony said the sentence that changed his life.

"I always considered you family."

And then they sat there in silence. There wasn't anything either of them needed to say and so they sat next to each other, listening to the other's breath, marvelling at how they deserved this.

"Tony, I can't tell you how relieved I am that we talked about all this."  
"Me too" Tony answered quietly and for the first time since Steve had moved in he saw Tony smile his old smile. The toothy, cocky smile that indicated Tony was in a good mood and if not happy, content.

"Do you remember New Year's?" Steve asked. Might as well talk about everything now, he thought.

"What about it?" Tony asked innocently but his smirk gave him away.

"You remember the kiss? Why did you never talk to me about it?"

"Because I figured it was easier for you to forget it ever happened."  
Steve shook his head and couldn't suppress a giggle.

"For a genius, you are pretty damn stupid. I don't want to forget it."  
And with that, he leaned in to kiss Tony. Their faces were only an inch apart and Tony could feel Steve's warm breath on his lips. They stared into each other's eyes as if waiting for one of them to seal the deal. And seal the deal they did. Tony leaped forward and pressed his lips onto Steve's in a messy, hot kiss. Later, they shared more passionate kisses but also soft, affectionate ones.

"We need to take this slow. We have just repaired our friendship and we can't leap into… whatever this might turn into. But I want you to know, I do want this to be more than a friendship." Steve whispered against Tony's lips. The genius answered in a low voice which gave Steve goosebumps.

"I see, you haven't changed a bit, always a gentleman. But I agree. And I want this to be something more, too."

And with that he looked into Steve's eyes again before they kissed again and spent the night enjoying each other's company, occasionally stealing kisses and giggling like two people madly in love.


End file.
